My sponsor asked me to do some writing on what I think a relationship means, and the following is what came out. Looks like there's still more work to go.
A real relationship is someone to rely on. Someone who cares, who is kind considerate, loving and supportive. With someone who is stable. Who can have sex on demand. Who is hot. Companionship. Support. Love. Sex. Forgiveness. Stability. Someone who is clean and cleans the house. Someone who cooks. Someone strong. Someone who loves me.
I think I already see the problem here. Probably, no, for real, if these are all the things I expect from a relationship, these are the things I should be putting into the relationship. I remember at some point saying that love was caring for someone without expecting something in return. I'm not sure if I know how to do this for anyone. My family, definitely not. My relationship, maybe sometimes, but definitely not when it comes to gift giving. Because I expect certain reactions, which I have clearly has never gotten. My work, no, I need constant recognition all the time.
So here I am, selfish and self-centered in the extreme, an alcoholic.
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