When I hit my bottom a couple of years ago, I had stopped answering the phone. Because of this, my student loan poeple thought that I had tried to run out on my loans and I ended up getting marked late several times. Eventually I got it all straightened out.
So in order to prevent this sort of mishap, yesterday, I called them to tell them I had moved. I told them I moved, and then they asked me if I had started work, I said no I hadn't, and that was it.
Easy loan payment delay.
Easy phone call.
Except I lied. I started at a temporary job about a week ago. I haven't gotten a paycheck, and out of fear of them asking for payment, I lied.
Funny, I thought, that was easy. I didn't even feel bad or anxious. For almost an entire thirty seconds. I thought, that was a real easy lie. But it wasn't.
After that thirty seconds, I felt anxious, I felt depressed, I felt scared, I felt frustrated, I felt unhappy. And what's more, I felt as if I had ALWAYS felt that way.
Cunning, baffling, powerful. I had created a crack in my recovery for my disease to slip in. And it did. Like a flood.
I called my sponsor almost immediately and left a message telling him about the lie. I put the lie on my 10th step for the evening. This morning, my sponsor told me to share about it at a meeting.
Today I'm going to call and correct the lie. And I'm going to go to a meeting and talk about how I called someone to tell the truth, and then lied.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.4
No comments:
Post a Comment